White Passing Privilege and More

I benefit from my lack of stereotypical “latinx features (1).” I have never had racial slurs yelled at me out of a moving vehicle. I have never been denied entry or access to a club, school, or job because of my name, accent, color of my skin, or hair texture. I have point-blank never been devalued, in terms of skill, intelligence, or beauty, based on my race. I have never been targeted by police, unfairly arrested or imprisoned without due process, or violently harassed or attacked because of the color of my skin. That is the privilege of being white-passing.

I have also never intentionally used my skin color or name to take advantage of or benefit from a society that values whiteness over blackness (aka colorism(2)). However, I know that unintentionally I have benefited greatly. In fact, I believe I owe my life to being white-passing. I have encountered police officers and survived; and that alone is a privilege. I also grew up in a white suburb, rampant with white supremacists, and I was never attacked or bullied. My successes came with only a few obstacles and minimal resistance. That is the privilege of being white-passing.

I benefit intergenerationally. My mexican grandfather, like many white passing people of color in his time, used his skin color to move up in the ranks of his corporate job (and I assume to protect himself from violence(3)). Friends and family knew he was Mexican, but it was not something he flexed or wore on his sleeve. He faced much discrimination, growing up in a small village run by white missionaries who literally beat the spanish out of Mexican children. He learned quickly that speaking spanish was bad and speaking english was good. He set spanish aside and only used it to bargain with waiters, shop keepers, or handymen(4).

My grandfather’s choices were not my own and despite his attempts to erase us, I would never be white. You may be able to erase language, but you cannot erase culture, values, and heritage. “White passing privilege is not the same as white privilege(5).” Benefiting from white privileges came with great loss while white privilege alone requires zero sacrifices. Mexicans and white people spoke to me as if I was white, causing a gaslighting-type of confusion (6). Outsiders treated me as a white person, dismissing my experiences and beliefs, leaving me feeling as if I would never be enough. Meanwhile, individuals in my family “unwitting(ly) enrolled (me) in a lie (7).” My grandfather hid and erased much of our Mexican culture out of fear. We did not learn spanish and we did not visit Mexico. I was denied access to my culture and family history which is extremely painful. Someone else had cherry picked acceptable aspects of my culture and left me with a personal narrative censored with black sharpie. The more I shared it with others, the more it was edited and erased.

However, I refuse to participate in the erasure of my culture and it is my duty to not allow our story to disappear. Part of my life’s work is uprooting my truth and adding pieces that my grandfather lost (or chose not to pass down to me) back to the puzzle. As I’ve grown, I’ve discovered a lot. I visited Mexico, I found out what Mexican state my family is from, and I interviewed my grandfather to learn more about his life. But, I’ve also discovered truths through friends, loved ones, and comrades in the fight for justice. Most recently my partner gave to me this:

He said, “There are definitely parts of you that are very Latina.”

“Like what?” I said, unsettled by what he might say.

“You are beautiful, kind, caring, and very intelligent.”

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1Stereotypical Latinx Features were defined and created by white people who “studied” people of color as if they were animal species that needed to be scientifically defined white identifiable physical traits, completely annlianting people of color from human-kind and culture, knowledge, or experiences; see “Sarah Baartman.” Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Baartman

2A practice of discrimination by which those with lighter skin are treated more favorably than those with darker skin; Institute for Democratic Renewal and Project Change Anti-Racism Initiative. (2004). A Community Builder Tool Kit.

3Johnson, Mat. (July 2019). “Passing, in Moments.” Topic Magazine. https://www.topic.com/passing-in-moments

4Or those were the only people in his life that he could speak spanish to because he was surrounded by english speakers in his day to day life.

5Pham, Catherine. (Dec. 2017). “Feminism 101: What is White Passing Privilege?” Fem Magazine. https://femmagazine.com/feminism-101-what-is-white-passing-privilege/

6Sarkis, Stephanie Ph.D. (Jan 2017). “11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting.” Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting (I do not recommend Psychology Today as a viable source for therapy, but this article provides some examples of gaslighting).

7 Johnson, Mat. (July 2019). “Passing, in Moments.” Topic Magazine. https://www.topic.com/passing-in-moments